Teasing and Bullying in Schools

Note: I wrote this article a few years ago, and it is even more pertinent today. Besides being bullied in person, kids are now being cyber-stalked, and having thier reputations ruined and threats levelled at them globally. Because a child can't confront faceless masses, their anxiety levels climb exponentially. There have been news reports of kids committing suicide as a result of cyber-bullying.

This is just one more good reason to home school!

This article has some good information and coping strategies, so please pass it along to friends and family!

Helping Your Child Cope with Teasing and Bullying

Teasing and bullying are an all too common part of childhood. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, it is the biggest school problem for kids ages 8-15, surpassing even alcohol, drugs, racism, and pre-marital sex.

Having to endure these hurtful behaviors can make children anxious and fearful, and interfere with learning and socialization. If ignored, prolonged victimization can leave a child psychologically scarred.

What exactly is teasing and bullying? How can children cope if they are being victimized?

Teasing Is:

Using name calling, put-downs, ridicule and annoying actions to the degree that the person being teased feels sad, angry, upset, or helpless. Tormenting and harassing are a hostile form of teasing, and may later escalate to bullying.

Bullying Is:

Any or all of the following constitute bullying: frequent, intentional and prolonged verbal taunting, name-calling, threats, stealing, and acts of physical aggression. Girls often bully by excluding other girls from the group.

Children are generally teased about ten things:

• appearance
• behavior
• family circumstances
• feelings
• friends
• identity (race, religion, culture or gender)
• names
• opinions
• physical and mental abilities
• possessions

Here are ten strategies you can teach your child that really help:

1. Self-talk. Don’t react with anger or tears. Mentally assure yourself you can handle it. Recall something good or special about yourself, or an accomplishment that you feel proud of. Remember that your opinion of yourself is what is important, not the opinion of the teaser.
2. Ignoring it .Make no eye contact or verbal response. Act as though the teaser is invisible. If possible, walk away.
3. Sending an "I" message. Make eye contact, speak clearly and politely. Say "I don’t like when you call me four-eyes and make fun of my glasses. Please stop it." (This works best in situations when an adult is present and can lend support. Using this strategy on the playground may cause more teasing.)
4. Visualizing. Create a mental picture that the words are "bouncing off" you without causing any harm, or that you are protected by an invisible shield. See the hurtful comments as disappearing into thin air, or create any other image that helps you feel unaffected by the teasing.
5. Reframing the comment. Treat the remark as something positive. Say, "Thanks for noticing my new glasses." Or "Thanks for your opinion."
6. Agreeing. Admit that what they are saying is right, in a manner that shows you are unaffected. "You’re right. I don’t see that well. But the glasses really do help."
7. Saying "So?" It sends the message of "so what?" or "who cares?" Acting like what a teaser says just doesn’t matter and that it doesn’t disturb you often causes the teasing to stop. It is no fun for the teaser if they don’t get a reaction to their efforts.
8. Responding with a compliment. "I wish I could see as well as you."
9. Using humor. Laughing or smiling takes the sting out of the mean comments.
10. Asking for help. Tell a parent, caregiver, or teacher your problem. Often times they can get the teasing to stop by talking to the bully about their behavior.

Recommended Resources

Easing the Teasing Author and certified social worker, Judy S. Freedman's website with access to all of her programs, information and workshops.

The Bully, the Bullied and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso. This site also link to other works by this internationally recognized speaker, author and expert on parenting and child development.

Bullying.org Founded by father and teacher, Bill Belsey, in response to school shootings in the 1990s at Littleton, Colorado and in Taber, Alberta, this site has become the number one site on the internet about bullying. It has three goals: to help people understand they are not alone if they're being bullied, to help people understand that being bullied is not their fault and to help people understand there are many positive alternatives to dealing with bullying.